First Day Memories...

If I had know the way things would have worked out in life would I have still walked back into college in 2016? Yesterday I found many old memories and can't believe how brave I was to go for my dreams. This was a ceramics project that I did at home. We would work on wooden boards and used basic clay. I really loved ceramics in High School and was going to take sculpting but I left New York State. I found this symbol and meaning and I resonated with it I was going to make another one Metaonia. Which means a change in one's life. I wanted this compass but it was taken away when I said that I wanted it back. I was always giving away the work that I made.

This was my first day back to college and I am on the upper right side. I wore an old t-shirt that somehow was not thrown away! Somebody was there that day I was like am I really seeing this arrival? As I walked back into college I was wondering what would be the purpose of that?

This was my first black and white photo. Going back to the basics photography 101 class was fun I miss working with film and need a darkroom! I am not sure why I took this photo like this in portrait not landscape back then? I still need to develop the rest of this film. When I finished the shoot my friend had told me as you worked for the last hour here I made $100,000. I was skeptical but was like good for you! Money doesn’t impress me at all many people love it and feel status is more important than character. I have these kodak scanners that scan negatives and I will see if I can upload some negatives here soon.

I wanted to turn this into a vase as we were learning how to makes these. I was so inspired by these people that I had met Fall 2015 that I made this map. They treated everyone like family and did not discriminate or stereotype people at all. I always felt cherished and welcomed and this place felt like home.

My motto to get through my first semester back to college was FLY first love yourself. I found a new passion for flying. Yes, flying in the sky in an airplane. I don't know why I just started noticing and studying flight May of 2015. It was my mind trying to stay strong with a foreclosure and nowhere to go. I also had the affirmations of being so loved. Self love so I signed all my work with hearts next to my name and put hearts in a lot of my artworks. I even found a leaf with a heart naturally burned into the upper right side which I just had copyrighted. This is on my page here for my website.

So I kept this first prototype and ended up mailing it as I decided it was too hard to go back. Despite my feelings I ended up giving away more work. The second map had an unique glaze of red, black, and white in which you could control the colors. So, I painted some areas white and covered with a special coating so the overglaze would slide off. With the first prototype I hand painted it and it came out matte and I dipped it into clear glaze and fired it in the kiln a second time and it came out good. I did not know the area at all so I just looked at google maps for help.

I miss making ceramics and working with clay and seeing the work out of the kiln was always exciting. Some people were jealous of my artist journey back to college. I got these comments it must be nice to sit around and make ceramics all day. College is hard work and the semesters are brutal midterms and finals the requirements are not easy. Then there are fields trips, homework, and presentations. I always went full time except for summers as summer courses are 4 weeks and intense 9-5 everyday. I never had time to have much of a life outside of classes I was a Mom and always so busy. I have no regrets with getting 3 degrees and at least I tried.

You can kind of see the jade glaze behind this and I also have a royal blue vase I am thinking about entering it for a gallery show in NYC soon? But, this glaze Java was one of my favorite glazes I made a huge mug with oceanography symbols all over it.I will post a digital project cover Perfect Illusions that I made and made a booklet and I was also inspired to make this. The digital version of this had badly drawn musical notes as I sucked at AI using the mouse but I made this cool booklet with licensed photos and it was pretty good. It was December when I made this and was starting to realize the people around me were not what they seemed at all. I would not have traded my first semester back for anything not even for 1 million dollars.

I have another version of this that has the quote on the lower left side. If you associate with turkeys, you will never fly with eagles. This is an image that I took of the street outside my house. My friend was always doing stunt driving and spinning motorsports. I would see him all the time outside my house as I was outdoors. One day I walked out to the street after he left and took this image. It helped me reflect on the type of people I was around he had told me I was surrounded by crazy. I did not know the entire history but I was targeted because of this man it was pretty extreme. Lawlessness is relentless in Orange County MetroNYC.

Edited on 3/16/23 I removed these off my website recently I think it was 2 days ago? I'm happy that I am moving forward in life. I did my inner landscape portrait project on the house photo and it really was a life lesson to learn. That was my lesson I needed to go through to grow and come out even better than before. Life is not always going to go the way you want. Rejection is protection in this case. I am able to move on as they are innocent according to news reports. It was like I have been around really bad characters and criminals so while I did not see the news In November I just learned this about a month ago. It gives me a sense of peace. Just because I was hurt by these guys doesn’t mean they belong in prison. It sucks to go through more pain I already had enough but it's a life lesson. These guys helped me more than family they always asked me what was wrong with the people that I know. They couldn’t understand why family wasn’t helping me. I will never understand or be able to answer these questions. But, I am moving forward and on from all of this. These past toxic players in my life keep trying to be something but nobody is a part of my new life. They need to stop showing up and leave my son's and I alone. For real I already have been through enough pain in life. I wish the people that bother me would just leave us alone. I have never done anything to anybody to be targeted. Gender Violence and Religious Hate Crimes need to stop. What has happened to America?